Mr. Right

His age: 42. He’s three years younger than I am, though lots more in life experience. (I grew up young.)

How tall is he? 6’1″ which is great for wearing high heels or for being cuddled.

How long have you been together (married)? 18 years

How long did you know each other before you got together? What does “got together” mean? We met in June, went out in July, started dating in August, and got married in October.

What physical features attracted you to him first? Hmm. Height? He made me laugh. That’s what attracted me first. Second was that he was such a gentle man.

Eye color: Brown, tiger eye color (the stone not the animal)

Hair color: Once was sandy blonde, now dark and mostly shaved off

How did you meet? In Animism class at Mission Seminar.

How serious is it? Very

Are you “in love”? Absolutely. And I like him too.

Do your parents like him? Yes. My dad said, as we started up the aisle, “I think you got a good one.”

Do his parents like you? Mostly. They think I’m the reason we left the cofC for a while; they’re not to hip on that.

Do you trust him? Absolutely. No question.

Would you share a toothbrush with him? Yes.

Would he let you wear his pants? I steal his sweats when I want to really grunge out.

Does he smoke or do drugs? No. Never.

Do you have a shirt of his that you sleep in? No.

Do you like the way he smells? Yes. Seems like you’d have to in order to get to 18 years.

Can you picture having kids with him? Not anymore, no. We have two.

Does he have a temper? Not really.

Are you happy to be with him? Absolutely!

Does he embarrass you in public? Never.

Does he have any piercings? No. He did once wear a clip on earring to his parents’ home. His grampa offered to wrestle him to the ground and his dad offered to cut the earring off.

Does he have any scars that you know of? Hernia holes from when he was a baby and after we married.

Is he a party dude or stay at home? Stay at home.

Is he outgoing or shy? Er, no. He’s an introvert, but he’s a good talker when he gets going.

Does he love his mama? Yes

Would he hang out with you and your friends? Only if I wanted him to.

I got this meme from My So-Called Homeschool.

Why Men Ignore Their Wives

is the title of the article. But really it is an article saying that people don’t do well for or in connection with those they see as controlling.

Are wives really the biggest controller in men’s lives? Does my husband see me that way?

One thing

I am thankful for is R’s working, at a job he doesn’t love, so that I can stay home with our children and homeschool. He gives up a lot of things so that I can do that one thing we’ve decided is best for our family. Thank you, honey.

How long will marriage last?

There’s 156% chance my husband and I will be married on our tenth anniversary. (Btw that was 8 years ago.)

In my post a few days ago, I tried to use Political Calculations’ “marriage lasting” formula. It wouldn’t work at all. I thought it was probably because of Safari. So I decided to try it using Firefox. Presto chango it worked.

They base it on woman’s age, combined post high school education, and religiousness.

It said that my husband and I, with an 8 on religiousness, which may actually be low if you’re working off averages, have a 156% chance of being married for 10 years. That’s probably right, since we’ve been married for 18. For 18 we have a 114% chance.

It takes us 22 years to get below 100%.

It takes us 39 years to get to the supposed national statistic of less than 50%. Are that many people really getting divorced that only 50% of the marriages make it?

In my family, of the people in my generation, we have 7 marriages and 3 that have stuck. In my parents’ generation, on my mother’s side, there were 4 with 2 surviving. For my father’s side there were 6 marriages with five that lasted. In my husband’s family, his mother’s generation had six marriages with 2 surviving and his father’s had 5 marriages with 3 making it.

Wow. That’s a lot less than I thought. In ours’ and our parents’ generation there were 30 marriages with 19 making it. We’re beating the odds, but not by much.

I wouldn’t have thought that it would be that big a number…. And our families believe in the sanctity of marriage.

For 45 years R and I are at 39%. Of course, being the pope only gives you 43%. (Not that he would get married.)

I wonder if the fact that I was so old, 26, when I got married makes a difference. It seems to, since that is one of the questions they ask. But maybe that’s too old. Do they factor in 26+45=71 and lots of people are dead then? I mean it might not be divorced. It might be widowed.

will your marriage last?

Political Calculations purports to offer a calculation for if your marriage will last. I couldn’t get it to work, although that may be because I put in my mother’s information and the calculator refuses to believe someone could get married at 15. But she did. And she’s been married 46 years to the same guy. My MIL got married at 16 and she’s been married to the same guy for 47 years. I got married at 26 and I’ve been married to the same guy for 18 years.

I figure we’ll see 45 as well. Assuming we both live that long.

Motherhood and Romance

“I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.”

So said an email on a mother thinking about her daughter and motherhood. The email is so right.

One of my dearest memories of R with the babies is him throwing up changing a diaper, because he kept changing it.

And then there was the time that E pulled off his very poopy diaper and spread it all over himself, his crib, and the wall. The only clean thing in sight was his thumb. (Don’t think about it.) Because I was pregant with M and throwing up, R got to clean up the baby and the bed and the room. He did a great job of it too. It is another of those dear memories of R that makes me love him more.

Hot Sex

ArmyWifeToddlerMom mentions this MSNBC article on sex. Well, okay, it’s really about one speaker’s view of sex. He’s a Christian. He’s been to my church and spoken.

The article says, “You could be forgiven for thinking “conservative Christian” and “hot sex” are oxymoronic.”

The speaker says, “sex is the most wonderful gift God ever gave Christians.”

Amen. Preach it, brother!

It’s true. God made sex. Sex is good. Sex is great. When you have sex in a marriage, it can be a marvelous gift, fun, exciting.

I am certainly glad for it.

The only part I have a problem with isn’t Joe Beam’s presentation; it’s a comment the news interjects.

Try any position in the Kama Sutra (but refer to drawings, please, not pictures of real people). Wife away on business? Have phone sex. Birth control is good. Even anal sex is OK if (and Beam believes this is a big if) it does no harm to the body.

If you are a married Christian, not only can you do all this, but you should be doing it.

You should be doing this puts it as a requirement. We don’t want to go there.

Wedding Vows

My husband and I wrote our own vows. Recently he said he wished he knew what he said. I told him that I had the vows. I don’t think he believed me. Here is what he said:

I love, honor and cherish you today and I will forever. I cannot promise you riches or health but I promise you love through the good times and the bad. I promise to base our relationship on service to God and a better understanding of his love. I promise this not with just my own strength, but with the strength and power of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whose love nothing can separate us.

Memes: from Daring Young Mom

Another meme, which I will not post until tomorrow, because I am not going to write it tonight, comes to you from Daring Young Mom. I once asked my boys if I could buy and wear her tee shirt. They said a) I was too old and b) they would be too embarrassed.

But I liked the meme when I read it. It intrigued me. So I thought I would answer it here.

2 things you compliment your husband on in his presence

His brilliance, especially with the Mac.

His sweetness, especially with me.

2 things you compliment your husband on to your friends

His sexiness…

His creativity.

2 traits you married him for

His sense of humor. (He makes me laugh.)

His leadership abilities.

2 days you cherished with your husband

Last night, when he rolled over in his sleep and held me. (Every day is a good day.)

When I woke up on Monday after the surgery and he was sitting there, ready to give me ice at the wave of a finger. (Which is just about all I could manage.)

—Other days were more significant… Our engagement, our wedding, the birth of our children, the day my ovary ruptured and he got everyone in the right place…. But the day to day things like the ones above are what make a good marriage excellent.

2 material things you would give your husband if you just inherited a fortune

The latest and greatest of the wizbang toys Apple has to offer- all of them.

That $10K camera he was talking about a while back.

2 things you would miss if he left for 2 weeks

Snuggles in bed.

Hugs in the kitchen.

2 thoughts that first crossed your mind when you first met your husband

He’s pretty funny.

I wonder if he’ll notice if I untie his shoelaces.

2 favorite dates

When we go to Churrasco’s for dinner.

The day he drove me home to Indiana from Ohio. Which is also the day we got engaged.

2 funny odd things you love

He grinds his teeth when he is asleep. So I’ll reach over and stroke his face and he will stop.

He always has a new project on the burner. Always.

2 places you have lived with your spouse

Research Triangle, NC

West Lafayette, IN

2 favorite vacations

We went to the Appalachian mountains with friends. We hiked, which I love. We did other things too, which I don’t remember as well.

The vacation we DIDN’T take to Florida. We had saved all year for it and the boys said, “Hey, that much money would buy us laptops.” So they got laptops instead.

If you have a special someone you can’t ever say enough about, you’re tagged with this meme. I’ll come read what you have to say if you let me know.

How to Make Your Wife Happy

is the title of an article in Live Science. It quotes a study of 5,000 couples.

How does a husband make his wife happy?
#1- emotional commitment
Also, those who bring home 68% or more of the money, make their wives happiest.
And women like sharing housework, even if they do most of it. — Fairness, the article said.

The Rug

If you ‘ve been reading lots of stories, in the news and on the blogs, about the president’s rug, you are not alone. But if you want to read a really good discussion, go to Holly’s blog and read about the rug discussion and the love story inherent in it.

Valentine’s Day Gift

I didn’t get my hubby anything for Valentine’s Day. It just didn’t seem necessary. I mean, we didn’t even celebrate our anniversaries last year.

But he got me something. And it was a surprise. I got a beautiful, sentimental card. And I got a chocolate box. I thought, “Well, at least there are only three or so pieces in there.” But when I opened it up, it wasn’t candy. It was a bookstore gift card.

Yes, my husband knows the way to my heart is through words. And he gave them to me.

Marriage is the Focus of the Day

And not just mine, either.

Evangelical Outpost writes on what makes a marriage work. I think some of this is funny. Don’t ask happily marrieds why they’re happy; they don’t know. Close the bathroom door. Learn to compromise. But I thought “Call her bluff” recommended lying to get her off your back and I wasn’t too thrilled with that. The comments are interesting too.

Air Force Family writes about negative expectations, cheating shows, Tell-All-Humiliation shows, and her marriage. I thought it was fun, funny, and inspirational. (The source of all evil made me laugh out loud, though it does not apply at my house.)

According to a show I watched on ABC two and a half years ago 80% of men would remarry their spouses and 50% of women would remarry theirs.

Maybe one of the biggest pitfalls in marriage is having too high expectations. I’d say the secret to a happy marriage is 1. don’t expect much (that way you won’t be disappointed but may be happily surprised), 2. be willing to compromise (on everything, even things that you think shouldn’t be compromised on, because your spouse won’t agree), and 3. NEVER give up (Churchhill’s quote works for marriage as well as for a nation under siege).

Other great entries on the net:

Humorous Marriage Advice which includes for the groom, Never let her go to bed angry – you’re defenseless when you sleep. And for the groom, If he asks you what he should wear – He really wants you to say “Your jeans and Bear Whiz Beer T-shirt”.

Mark Daniels celebrated 31 years of marriage by giving 10 things he’s learned. It’s serious stuff, but good.

17 years ago today

Working Girl and Hellbound: Hellraiser II were released. Twins, Rain Man, and The Naked Gun beat all other movies at the box office.

The Charlotte Hornets beat the Chicago Bulls by 2 points.

The JAMA published.

But what I remember about that day is:
Going shopping with my father for a belt for the coat he bought my mother. It was missing and we had to drive all over Houston to find one like it.
The large load of metal pipes scattered all over the road like pick up sticks, just where my VW bug broke down. Trying to make a phone call with only a quarter between my dad and I. I succeeded but the call was interrupted. The guy at the convenience store wouldn’t let us use his phone.

Being picked up by R. You know you’re not supposed to see your fiance on the day of the wedding, but… We were beyond those superstitions.

Getting my hair and fingernails done. That was a disaster. I didn’t feel comfortable with either one. Never go to a new stylist on the day of your wedding.

Getting in the limo to go to the church.

Be ironing my dress? Ironing something while I was getting dressed.

Not recognizing my cousin’s daughter and wondering why my mother suggested her for a flower girl.

Being given (to wear only) a black onyx and pearl pin from my great-grandmother.

Sticking a handkerchief up my sleeve for my wonderful husband’s use during the ceremony.

Talking like I was from West Texas, loud and drawling.

Seeing my sister look like she would pass out from sadness. (She was getting a divorce.)

Seeing M and D, seeing T. AI came, amazing. And Mo was there.

Laughing because both my grandmothers came to the wedding in black dresses. (What was that all about? I wanted the bridesmaids in black, so they wore black. But my grandmothers didn’t have to wear it. My Grama Helen was upset about the bridesmaids wearing black until my mom told her my other idea from when I was growing up, which was to wear a royal purple gown myself. Then my grama was all for it!)

The mothers of the groom and bride in royal blue (my favorite color) and the grandmother of the groom wearing soft pink. I loved her dress.

Hearing the music my mom had ordered and my wonderful husband had remixed.

Thinking the song was farther along than it was and hurrying down the aisle so it wouldn’t end before I got to the stage area.

Pappa in his black suit. He bought it special so he would match the wedding. I don’t think he’s ever worn it since.

R crying.

Getting in line for the reception and finding out the seafood was gone.

Talking to someone who I still don’t know who it was and him telling me that I “had a good one” because he was willing to cry…

Getting pictures taken. Excluding Melinda from the picture of my aunts and I and then not getting a picture of my cousins who were there together.

Throwing the bouquet and seeing how many people dodged to get out of the way. It fell on the floor, I threw it again, and my sister picked it up off the floor.

Worrying about R pulling the gown up too far to get the garter off because I’d gone commando.

Putting on an itchy wool dress for the getaway.

Watching R open the limo door and realizing there were a whole bunch of people in it. Him suggesting we climb in anyway. Me hoping I wasn’t flashing everyone outside or everyone inside.

DJ’s tie. M and L avoiding the bouquet like it carried plague. (Silly M.)

Making out in the limo.

Going to a hotel that had lost all its power.

Having Domino’s delivered.

Having flashlights delivered by the management. They must lose their electricity a lot.

Yeah, but I’m not going to talk about the rest.

Happy anniversary, honey!

My Husband is a Man

Okay, I stole the title. But it’s the title of a great blog entry. And this is just one of the more fascinating sections. “If I wanted a man who was more like a woman, I’d be a lesbian. I mean – why go for a cheap imitation when I can get the real thing?”

Obviously she doesn’t want a man who is a woman, she wants her husband.

And she’s right.

Men should be men and we should love them for it. My husband has an eye for clothes, just like ArmyToddlerMom’s husband. I love to go shopping with him, when I’m feeling like I look half-way decent anyway. Because he can find the greatest clothes.

But I want him to be who he is, even when he’s driving me crazy, because he’s the best. And if he were a womanly-man, he wouldn’t love me the way he does. I’d have missed out on a lot.

Go read “My Husband is a Man” the original.

God is Happy

I read a novel tonight and it was about a couple who were having severe struggles. At one point, the husband promises his father-in-law that he will always love the man’s daughter, his wife. And the old man, who is dying, says, “God is happy.”

I think God is happy when we keep our commitments. And I am very grateful that He made R so easy to love and gave us such a good marriage.

I am happy, too.