Monthly Archives: July 2003

Women Only Pay Attention to Good Looking Guys?

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Women are Hypocritical when it comes to choosing by looks this article says. It says that women choose based on the looks of the guy.

Two proofs were offered for this. One was an internet dating service where the guy put up his real picture and didn't get “any significant” response. (Meaning no gorgeous women?) Then he put up a good looking guy's picture and got lots of responses. Okay, does he want a woman who picks guys and says she loves them based on their looks? No.

The second proof was a guy who went to church for over a year and didn't have a single date with any of the women there, although he had talked to many of them. Then he brings a Viking-king look alike who gets hit on three times in one service. Proof positive that women choose based on looks.

I am willing to agree that people notice and are initially more attracted to good-looking people, guys and gals. But that girls pick guys based on their looks? I don't think I'd agree with that. I have lots of friends whose husbands aren't attractive. I wonder why they picked them, if it's based on looks.

I wouldn't doubt there are some people who pick spouses and dates based on looks, but is that really who folks want to go out with? Unless, of course, you're just looking for a good looking date.

I think both my best friends are good looking. One of their husbands is, one isn't. My best looking girlfriend has a nicely attractive husband, but not someone girls go gah-gah over. My best friend from college didn't marry someone incredibly attractive.

Maybe the thing is the best looking people marry the best looking people. I'd be more inclined to go for that. My gorgeous sister married my gorgeous but controlling, womanizing brother-in-law. But as I said, my best looking girlfriend's husband is not the best looking of the husbands of my friends. So…

I don't think women are being hypocritical by saying don't choose us for our looks. Hopefully those women aren't choosing dates by their looks either.

Doctors, Info, Dying

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I have a friend with a brain tumor. They took part of it out less than a month ago. They couldn't get it all. Now, as of last week, it was the same size it was before. That's not good. The doctor is freaking out. The kind of cancer they identified it as can't grow that fast. (Wow, didn't know cancer had rules.) He wants a neuroradiologist to look at the MRIs.

So do I. But I'd like someone I know to look at them. I figure he'd look faster, sooner. When you know someone, you are more willing to help them. So I'm trying to get my friend to be able to look at them.

I hate that she had surgery and is no better off now than she was. I guess we could say she's still alive and she might not have been otherwise. It still sucks.

Homeschooling Qualifications

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I teach my kids at home. I happen to be very qualified. I have a Bachelor of Science in Education although I do not hold a teacher's certificate. (I forgot to send something in and didn't get it 20 years ago. Now I would have to take new classes every year to get one.) I have a master's. I have a PhD. I have over nine years of teaching experience. In addition to that I have taught part-time and taught my kids for the last seven years.

What does it take to be qualified to homeschool?

Some states have specific regulations. You have to have more education than your child. You have to have a certain number of hours of college. You have to be a college graduate. You have to be a certified teacher.

Some states don't.

I'd say the first thing it takes is the desire to homeschool. If you don't want to do it, for some compelling reason, then don't. If you do want to and you have a high school eduation, then you shouldn't have any trouble. If you want to and you don't have a high school eduation, you may have to work harder at it when your child gets to high school or find another alternative then. (Private school, an academic program somewhere, dual enrollment at the local community college.)

I'd like to say the second thing you need is patience, but I am not sure I have that, so I don't think I can require it. I do suggest it though. It will be easier for you and your children if you are patient. If not, you'll learn it, but it will more difficult for everyone. (Been through that one.)

Then, of course, you need to find out what your state requires and prepare for that. Do what they require.

For coursework, you can go a lot of different routes. I have. You can go to the local teacher supply store and get curriculum. (It will be very expensive because it is intended for classroom duplication and you will need it for only one or two children, but it can be very good.) You can go to a hotel meeting in the summer and look at A Beka books. They are also on the net and will send you a catalog. Ditto with Bob Jones Press. (They're associated with Bob Jones University.) You can find your local homeschooling group and go to the book fairs. The big publishers come to those and so do people trying to sell old books. You can get copies of the public school curriculum. I don't recommend that, but I do know people do it.

Then you have to find what works for you. It may take a while, but it can be done.

Homeschooling Laws: Lenient and strict

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Texas requires that if you are going to homeschool you establish and operate as a private school. You must have written curriculum for reading, math, grammar, spelling, and good citizenship. There are no attendance requirements, no recording requirements, no filing requirements.

That means I live in one of the best states in the Union for teaching my children at home. I have great latitude here. Other states require everything up to and including more than a public school is required.

In Washington parents must be supervised or have special qualifications in order to homeschool. They must teach 12 subjects including music and art appreciation, occupational education, and “regular” classes. They have to file with their local school system, attesting that they are homeschooling. They have to administer and file standardized tests annually. (Texas doesn't require that of public school kids. I wonder if Washington does.) They have to have school for 1000 hours every year, even if that means that all their subjects are finished and they have to study something else to make up for it.

Think about it: In public school how much time is spent moving to and from classes and waiting for other students? Probably half the school day. I've talked to public school teachers who say that out of every 50 minutes in school the kids get about 20 minutes of instruction. (I've taught in public school. I would have said 30 minutes.) So kids in Washington that are homeschooled have to receive more instruction than public school students.

In New York a 1st through 6th grader must be taught 16 subjects. Must have standardized tests every other year. Must reach a minimum standard on the tests (not required for public school students). Must be taught for 900 hours. Must have an annual evaluation. A 9th through 12th grader must be taught more than 14 subjects. Must have standardized tests every year. Must reach a minimum standard on tests. Must be taught for 990 hours. Must have an annual evaluation.

Want to find out what your state requires? This map will let you find out. Just click on your state and the basic regulations will show up.

Homeschooling and social services

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The Stumbos' (in NC) troubles began in September 1999 when their 2-year-old daughter slipped outside halfway through dressing – without any clothes – to chase her new kitten. Although an older sibling retrieved her a few minutes later, it was too late. A passerby reported the family to social services.

Two hours later, a social worker showed up at the Stumbos' door, demanding to enter their home and privately interview each child. At HSLDA's advice, the Stumbos refused to let the social worker in.

Despite having no probable cause for entry and private interviews, the social worker convinced a judge to issue a court order forcing the family to comply. HSLDA immediately challenged the order, but the North Carolina Court of Appeals upheld it, deciding that the order did not constitute a “search” under the Fourth Amendment. The Stumbos then appealed to the state Supreme Court, which heard the case in February 2002.

This is a great victory for families in North Carolina and potentially in the rest of the nation. Although the decision is only legally binding in North Carolina, it provides more precedent for HSLDA to use in defense innocent families across the United States. The “battle for the front door” continues to be a vital component for HSLDA in protecting our rights to home educate our children.

For more information on this case visit Homeschool Legal Defense Association's website at:HSDLA.

Texas has a law that says that social workers coming in is a search under the Fourth Amendment. I will tell you, though, that this is most homeschooler's nightmare. Getting an “anonymous” tip that has no backing in fact and coming in to try and disrupt the family. I know that there are evil people in the world. Some of them are probably even homeschooling, but most of us aren't. I know this is one of my fears as a homeschooling mom.

A family in Dallas (not homeschoolers) lost their kids to social services after the dad took a picture of the mom breastfeeding. It was called in by the film developing clerk. They arrested them for forcing a minor to do a sexual act. HELLO!

A family in Oklahoma (also not homeschoolers) lost their granddaughter to a child pornography ring. Her mother is on drugs and her father an alcoholic. The mother also lives and works in a child pornography ring. (Her foster parents run it and she was made a part of it as a child.) The judge (wonder what he's involved with) awarded custody of the child to the mother even though they had many expert witnesses to testify that the mother was probably on drugs and the child had been abused.

A family in Kentucky (homeschoolers) lost their high school daughter to social services temporarily because even though Kentucky recognizes homeschooling as a legal right, the judge in the case said she wasn't qualified to teach her daughter high school so that there was no way this mother was qualified.

It's a scary world out there.

Lawn Mowing: Tips

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First, always hire a kid to do it. It's cheaper and easier than hiring someone else or doing it yourself.

Second, if the kid goes out of town, do it yourself. The first week.

Third, if you didn't mow it yourself the first, second, or third week, don't expect to be able to mow it easily.

Fourth, if you are going to have to mow it yourself and you didn't mow it until it was knee high, borrow a self-propelled lawn mower.

Fifth, whether you borrowed a self-propelled or not (I didn't) do it early in the morning. (Finally, something I did right.)

Sixth, when you're doing it, if it gets to be too much, stop. Don't keep mowing till you collapse on the grass. (I made it inside the front door. The neighbors were out and I didn't want to be embarrassed.)

Seventh, if you keep mowing till you're past sick, do have good kids in the house who will bring you water from the fridge, your pillow, and a cool wet cloth.

Eighth, if you don't finish it the first day, it's okay. You can do a bit every day and not make yourself sick.

Phone lines

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We have two cell phones and a landline. We have thought about dropping the landline. However, we have two kids at home who might need it. So instead we are planning on dropping the options: call waiting, caller ID, voice mail. That will drop the cost almost in half.

I think it would be interesting to not have a landline. But as my hubby pointed out, there's not a 911 where they know where you are with cells. For the boys, I think that's important right now.

Reader's Digest says that 5% of those owning cell phones have unconnected their home phones.

Ozzie Osborne

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My youngest came down and saw my hair. He says it looks like Ozzie Osborne's. I think that is worse than the wicked stepmother.

Hair color: Red to Black

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I was going for the Snow White look, but I think I got the wicked stepmother instead.

For 15 years I have mostly been a red head. I had a few weeks, maybe three, with dark brown almost black hair. I also had a few months with blonde (or blonde-pink) hair.

Before that my hair was blonde (birth through age 6) and getting darker every year. My brother's hair is now almost black, which is the color mine would be if I didn't dye it and if I weren't almost entirely gray on the top of my head.

So, because I am the kind of person who likes to move the furniture (and so is my husband), I decided to dye my hair. It's been a nice bright red this summer since giving over the brown-auburn the stylist wanted me to have. I told her I wouldn't change the color during the school year and I didn't.

I went and looked at the colors last week. I figured dark ash brown was the closest to my natural color, but it looked a shade too light in the picture. Because of that, I chose soft black, which looked like a nice dark black. But not the darkest color there was. My husband thought soft black sounded too light. He didn't look at the boxes.

Today I went and purchased a box of hair coloring. Again I was tempted by dark ash brown, but I don't like the name. (Silly me.)

I purchased soft black. I put it on my head. I let it sit for 25 minutes, pretending I did not have any recalcitrant gray. I figured I was better off if I didn't let the gray bond with the black as much. It gives your hair highlights that way. Now, almost an hour later, I have rinsed it and conditioned it. Towel dried it. Stared at the black black hair. Rinsed it out again. Shampooed it. Conditioned it. It's still very black. My girlfriend is half-Japanese and has naturally black hair. Mine is darker.

I was going to surprise my husband with the color change when he got home tonight. Instead I've blogged it. He'll have a chance to prepare. Unless I just save it as a draft.

No, after saving it as a draft for half an hour and looking at my hair some more, it is a must to post and give him time to prepare.

Next time I think I'll try dark ash brown, even if I don't like the name.

Homeschool: Purchasing text books

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Since I homeschool, I have to purchase the textbooks for my kids. Today I will go check out A Beka's presentation at the Holiday Inn. It's on the NE side of Houston just like I am. Then next Tuesday I'll go check out Bob Jones and buy the ones I need from there. Then on Thursday I'll head somewhere else to buy the A Beka books I need to fill in.

I usually use A Beka. Have for six years. But the academic program I am teaching at uses Bob Jones, so I will have to buy some of those. And I thought I would look at their other books and see what I thought of them.

I hate having to decide which of a set of similar books are better. I guess I'll get over it though.

Thinking during church

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It seems like I get my best ideas for my book (first draft finished) and its sequel (outlined but not written) at church. Today I even got some good names.

Today the sermon was on the 23rd Psalm. The preacher was quoting from Phillip Kelver (?) A Shepherd's Look at the 23rd Psalm. I think I'll have to get the book since the second half of book 2 will take place on the mountains where there are shepherds.

Hysterectomy

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The standard fix for a fibroid tumor is a hysterectomy. I don't know why and although my doctor knows what she does, she doesn't answer questions well. Or maybe I don't ask them well. Why do I need a hysterectomy? I don't know.

My mom had one in her early 30s which fixed her menorrhagia (excessive bleeding) and hasn't had any problems from it.

My husband heard they can cut the nerves to your clit and ruin your sex life, because they don't know which nerves are which.

So the doctor and my mom think I ought to get a hysterectomy. My husband doesn't. I don't know.

I've been on four different birth control pills in the last two years trying to wrest control of my period back. So far it isn't working. I'm on day 12 of a period on my new birthcontrol pills.

I've heard that getting thyroid medicine often helps people like me, but I've been trying to get it for about 15 years and haven't found a doctor who will prescribe it. I don't know why not. It doesn't have any side effects. If it helps, it helps quickly and obviously. Seems like it would be worth a prescription for a month to give it a chance.

There are some doctors around here who will prescribe it, but insurance doesn't cover them and the prices range from $1000 to $4000 for the initial visits. If we weren't going in debt again, I'd try it. But not right now, I don't think.

Anyone out there had a hysterectomy for a fibroid tumor? How did it impact your life?

Are there other things which can help? I don't mind alternative medicines as long as they work quickly. (Two years on chasteberry with no significant change would drive me crazy.)

Homesick

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My youngest was supposed to be spending the week with his grandparents. Yesterday, however, he called home and said he was sick. (I think it was the pound of chocolate candy he ate.)

I went and got him last night. He took a bucket to throw up in and went straight to bed. He's been fine today.

I think he was just missing us. Usually when he goes to my parents it is for a few days. Plus he normally has his brother with him. I guess it was too long by himself. His brother was with him the first three days, because I had to go out of town to help with our friend in the hospital. But then he was by himself with my folks for two days.

I'm glad he missed us.

New Daughter from China

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Not mine. Some good friends of mine are adopting a daughter from China. After working on it for two years, they received pictures of her from the Chinese government this week. They are so excited!

The little girl was born Christmas day, 2001 and abandoned four days later near the Culture Center. She was wearing a blue outfit with Donald Duck on it. There was a note on red paper (for good luck) saying that the parents were praying she would find a good family to take her in and that the whole family would have long lives.

China allows one child per family. Forced abortions are common. A few years ago there were four women from China asking for political asylum in the US since they already had one child and were pregnant. The government refused.

Chinese culture, I've been told, holds the responsibility for aging parents to lie with the son. If a family has no son, they will not have any retirement plan. So many people give up their daughters, who end up often being adopted into the US, in order to have a son.

I wonder what China will do in thirty years or less when there are five or more men for every woman. That will certainly curb their population, but I don't think the government wants it curbed that much. They're already trying for one baby for every two people. In a generation they will have cut their population in half. They should be partially through that generation already.

I am glad for my friends and their little girl. She will be gaining a great home and two wonderful parents and two wonderful big brothers (ages 12 and 6).

Novel: First draft finished

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I finished the first full draft of my novel. I like it a lot, but I don't know what other people will think of it. I have meant to submit chapters to my critique group, but only put two up and the responses were pretty minimal.

I took chapter one to a scifi convention last year. Got good feedback. I submitted another chapter, chapter 21, to the con this year. We'll see how that goes. I want to know how to fix it, but I hope they don't just hate it. Plus, it's not the first chapter. Most people do the first chapter, but that's already been redone so much it's about perfect.

My brother is a prolific scifi/fantasy reader. He reads every scifi/fantasy novel that comes out at his local bookstores. I sent him a copy of the novel. I hope he enjoys it, since it is long. I also hope he can help me with the rewrite. Give me ideas of places where it needs to be tighter, etc.

The one thing about fantasy is that it tends to be about worldbuilding. Which is fun. However, some authors spend so much time describing that the story slows down. I don't want to do that. I've tried hard not to. We'll see what C- thinks.

I am doing an edit/rewrite now. I think it is already better than it was.

Motorcycles

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My husband is thinking about selling his car so he can commute on a bike. However, he's never ridden a motorcycle before and he doesn't know how it will go. Now he is thinking about taking the riding class and then renting a bike to ride for a week and try it out.

Does anyone out there commute on a motorcycle? We're in Houston, which is a huge city with lots of traffic. Generally we get a lot of rain too. Hot and rainy weather. I'd love to hear about your experience if you do or have commuted to work on a motorcycle.

Friend ill

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A friend of mine and my family for the last 27 years had what they thought was a stroke when she started slurring her words and lost the use of her right arm and leg. Turns out it was a fast-growing, highly aggressive brain tumor.

They went in to cut it out. Took them two days. One to map the brain. One to do the surgery. When it was over, about a quarter of the cancer was still in her brain. It wasn't encapsulated so they couldn't get it all.

She stayed in ICU for a week. Then they moved her to rehab. It was two weeks ago Tuesday that they moved her.

I went to see her Wednesday two weeks ago. She couldn't find words, couldn't move her right arm or leg. She was very limited in what she could say, but seemed to understand everything I said.

I also went last week on Tuesday. Stayed a whole day and part of another one. Her health was much worse. Her vocabulary was even more limited. She'd lost a lot of functionality since the past Friday even. (I talked to her therapists to see if it was my imagination.)

Then I went this week, Monday and Tuesday. She is not worse. That was good. I was going to have to call her youngest myself if she was. She is some better than when I was there the second time, but not as well as the first time.

I hate seeing my friend so sick.

People ask me how old she is. When I tell them she is in her 70s they seem to think that makes it okay or something. If she were 160 I wouldn't be willing to lose her. I guess it is less scary if she isn't young or something.

This woman helped me get to college. She helped keep my parents together when they were going through a bad patch. I called and told her and her husband that my dad was talking about divorce. They got plane tickets out and called my folks. Said they were going to take a vacation in New Orleans and could they visit? My folks have been together 42 years now. Twenty since then.

If you pray, please mention my friend to God. He knows her well, but I'd like to keep her for a while.

High Tech, Unemployment, Money, Blessings

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Two years ago, my husband got laid off from a high tech job. He's a programmer. Thankfully, before the severance ran out, he had another job. The work is good. It's on the platform he loves and has worked in. We wouldn't have survived long without a job, because we had no savings.

However, the new job was basically a $24,000 pay cut. It was a clear $12,000 cut and we had to pay for my insurance and insurance for the boys. Which we didn't have to before. I don't remember how much that was to start with, but by this January it was $1200 a month.

When I look at those numbers, I am amazed that it wasn't worse. Financially we have only gotten about $7000 in the hole more than we were. And that includes buying a new car for me. My pay check next year will cover that, if we can quit going in the hole.

R- hasn't gotten a raise since he went to work for the new company, but he and his boss are supposed to be talking about it this week. I hope it works out well. If it would be enough to keep us from going down, I think that my paycheck will help us get out of debt. In just a few years we could get all our stuff paid off.

Of course that assumes the insurance doesn't go up again and that I stay well enough to keep working. I had two part time jobs last year, as well as homeschooling our boys. This year I have three plus the homeschooling.

We tried to get major medical for the boys and I but my medical condition has basically precluded that I guess. I don't know if we would be better off if I had surgery or not. I'll write a different blog about that.

R- is thinking about selling his car, which is worth twice what we owe on it and getting a motorcycle to commute to work on. I don't know how that will work out. I wish I knew people who commuted via bike.

Anyway, we're working on other ways to stave off the hole getting bigger, including getting rid of our phone. We'll see how it goes.

Boy throwing up

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My oldest son, E-, has always had a problem with reflux. He threw up all he drank every time I tried to burp him as a baby. So no burping for him. I think he is allergic to several foods I love, because I threw up eight months when I carried him, an average of 5 times a day.

We ate at the mall, meeting hubby there for lunch. On the car trip home he threw up. More than 50 oz because I had cups he could throw up in, but they overflowed. It took us 15 more minutes to get home and he just sat there holding one of the cups while I held the other and we got home.

He said it was a good thing he had moved the book. He had his dad's Edgar Rice Burroughs Mars book with him. But it was out of the way and didn't get thrown up on. Unlike E-, the cups, the seat, his clothes, my jacket, and the floor.

I am thankful he isn't sicker, but I wonder if he has an allergy to cheese. If he eats somewhere he hasn't before and has cheese (which is common since he is a vegetarian) he throws up about a quarter of the time.

Got home before the storm hit, for which I am grateful. We kept the windows down to keep from getting sick from the smell.

Once we got home I got his clothes off and sent him up for a shower. He managed that, but then he threw up again. He's upstairs resting now.

You have got to hate it when your kids are sick.

Atkins, Attempt Two

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I decided, since I lost weight on Atkins but not anything else, that I would try it again.

There is good news. I am not as sick as I was last time I started. I didn't get constipated. I didn't have bad stomach cramps. I haven't been so nauseous I thought I was going to pass out. And I am losing weight.

The bad news is there too. I am much more tired than I have been. I am getting sores on my mouth again. (This has only happened with Atkins and they went away as soon as I quit last time.

I don't know what to do. I want to be skinnier. A size 8 would be great. That was my original size goal. I think my weight is a little up from that, but it would be wonderful.

I don't know what to do. Some people have recommended South Seas, which is Atkins with a few more carbs. I am looking into it.