I’ve been feeling very so-so about getting out of debt. (Strange thing to admit.) I am trying to have a more positive attitude.

There are some very good things. We’ve made a budget and have pretty much stuck with it for over six months. We’ve done phenomenally well in paying down our debt.

We actually have enough money that I don’t need to spend my birthday money buying something we need. I can spend it on stuff I want.

I think part of the reason I am so-so about it is I am no longer taking care of the money, so I don’t know exactly where we are and how we’ve been doing. That means that my husband says we’re “here” but I don’t know if his here is the same as my here.

When we first got married and I took care of the money, I would always designate money before it was due to pay our bills. Then he would spend money that wasn’t budgeted and I would juggle the money to cover it. He thought I was lying or hiding money. I wasn’t. I just liked to have all the bill money before it was due.

So now I wonder whether what he says is there is really there. And how it got there. And what’s happened to some of it. It seems to me that he doesn’t like me to ask about the money. And I don’t think he likes showing me the money either. It’s not that I think he’s lying. It’s just that I’m not sure his definitions and mine match. After years of them not matching it’d be amazing if they did.

Guess I’ll ask to see the money tonight.