When I am teaching, I feel like I am doing something worthwhile. I don’t always do the best job of it for my students and I would like to, but I always am glad I am doing it.

What I haven’t done well this last year, maybe this last two years, is homeschooling.

Yesterday the new youth minister asked what we were doing that would matter in 100 years. I’m not sure either of those things will matter in 100 years, but I know which one is more likely to matter.

I on’t know what to do for M. It seems like my empty summer is all full up, though it isn’t really. He’s done four pages, I think, of handwriting, because it needs work. But that’s about it. I don’t know what we’ve done or what we need to do instead. He’s a ninth grader. But he’s finished tenth grade stuff. So he should be going into eleventh grade… I am not sure what to do for or with him.

I am having horrible hot flashes. Three or four times a day. But I don’t want to take any more estrogen. It seems like the hot flashes are getting worse, even though I’ve lost weight. I would have thought they would be getting better. Same estrogen for less weight. But maybe all the carbs I’m not eating used to be supplying natural estrogen. I know soy has it, but since I quit being a vegetarian I haven’t eaten a lot of soy. Today though three times I have sweat my make-up off my face. It’s ridiculous. And it’s embarrassing.

Maybe I’ll have to consider taking more estrogen… or eating more soy.

I’m going to have to go back to the doctors to get more thyroid and hormones. That’ll be a $600 pop and I am not sure we can afford it. It seems like we are getting more money problems, not less. I don’t understand it. When I talked to R about it, it seemed that we were doing better. But it doesn’t seem that way living it, if that makes any sense.

We’re paying tithe again. It’s been years since we’ve done that and if it’s improving our financial situation, I’m not seeing it. We’re always running out of money at the end of two weeks. And this summer we’re going to have to pay for my health insurance, too, since it went up enough that my working at CC1 isn’t going to cover the cost.

I’ve been on the low carb diet for eleven weeks. I’ve lost 16 pounds. And I’m stuck at 160-162. I go up and down here.

I know I should go exercise. Today though I needed to get E to school early. Tomorrow I’m taking M early to see about his test. Or maybe not. I won’t be in a hurry later… We’ll see. I set the alarm.

Last night I went to bed at nine and got up after eight. I wanted to go to bed at eight tonight. But I’ve stayed up.

I think I must be running on a little depression. Need to make a decision about the hormones. And call the doctor.

M’s at camp next week. I need to figure out what he and I are going to be doing for school and how. Maybe we should do more school this summer.