Lausanne Today

So I went to both Migros around the house. I bought toilet paper, because I thought we were out. There was some, but I’ll be here another week, so…

I also bought yogurt and bread for the Smiths. I don’t think I got the right one of either kind, but hopefully they will be okay with it.

While at the down Migros (down the hill), I found “Happy Birthday” candles. Since SS wanted those from the States, or at least the letters from the States, I bought every one they had.

That made me want to go to the Migros up the hill. So after I delivered the groceries, I asked where I should go. KS told me and I headed up there. I bought another five or six there. I also bought rolls, soda, apple juice, and cheese. The rolls are small, so I had two with cheese for breakfast/lunch. I’ll probably have those for breakfast every day.

Tonight I have a party for the conference, so I’ll go to that. In the meantime, I’m going to go to the Migros Metroplex (a mall?) and shop around. Maybe I can find what SS really wanted.

I also went to the bank and changed money. It’s right next to the up Migros, so that was easy. They gave me a better exchange rate than the place in the airport.

Last night I woke up after an hour. Then I couldn’t go to sleep for three. When I woke up I started panicking about the Smiths going to Geneva for church. DK doesn’t like me, but I’m hoping he won’t say anything. He was really rude to me in Abilene, some years later. Maybe he’s grown up since them. Wendell Broom swept in and said they were glad to have me, bless him.

I screwed up when I was here. I was isolated and unaware. So I skipped school. Got found out. Got a lecture. (That was NOT fun.) Then, after about six months, I started skipping school again. I decided I shouldn’t do it, went in to talk to them about going back to school. They said I needed to pay all the months I didn’t attend (two or three) and I freaked out. I ran to Montserrat’s house and cried, called my folks, and said I wanted to go home. So they let me.

I was so young, stupid, and immature. It would have been much easier and cheaper to pay the school and start over again here. But I didn’t want to deal with the humiliation.

What was really bad was they charged my boss for the months I wasn’t there. (I didn’t know they would do that and I didn’t leave him the money.) He wrote and asked me for the money. I sent him what I had immediately and then took about two weeks to send the rest.

It was a hard time and I was so alone and tired and scared and stupid. I admit it. I was stupid. I also told two lies. They were major lies, but only two.

After that I hated myself. Why had I done it?

So that’s why I didn’t like Switzerland. Yes, my boss was hard on me and I didn’t speak the languages well and they didn’t make the kind of allowances I would have preferred… BUT the problem was mostly me.

I like to think I’ve grown up since then. I hope so anyway.

But I just woke up in the middle of the night and panicked about the Smiths finding out what a jerk I was. I calmed myself down by asking what was the worst. They’d unfriend me from fb; they’d throw me out of the house and I’d have to stay in a hotel (at that point I might go to Paris after all); they’d know I was an idiot… And I realized that they might not like me as much after hearing it, but they probably wouldn’t throw me out and they certainly wouldn’t gossip about me. So, the worst was perfectly livable.

Do you think God is having me deal with old issues so I can be a better person? I have to say that though it’s not easy, it’s been good for me. (Of course it’s not Sunday yet!) But I went through NC last year and now that time is much less painful. Now I’m lancing the Geneva boil. The only one I have left is the teaching high school thing. Those last two are the times when I disappointed myself. I tried to be a good teacher, but I wasn’t. It makes me worry about what I do now.