I'm going to go on a journey through my memory about weight gaining and stuff. Feel free to skip this if you aren't interested.

My mom was very slender when she was younger. Then she had four kids and four miscarriages and began eating to comfort herself. She used food for all kinds of emotional reasons. Eventually she reached over 320 pounds. Most of my growing up years, though, she weighed between 150 and 200. She's a tall woman so she didn't look horrible.

I was 5'6'' at age 10. I'm still that tall.

In high school I wore a size 8 and weighed less than 130 pounds.

But my sisters, who were much younger than I was and hadn't started to “fill out” considered me the fat sister. I was the fat sister. I wasn't overweight. But I had huge breasts and was very curvaceous, so I was the fat sister.

In college I gained about ten pounds. I could still wear the same clothes I wore in high school. But when I bought new clothes I bought size 10s. I bought lose clothes to hide in, I think.

After college, I went overseas to work. The work was very stressful and I grew up in a very food-challenged environment. So I didn't even recognize most of the foods in the grocery stores. Those two things meant I ate what I recognized. Chocolate. I ate chocolate, the huge bars, for lunch every day. I gained another five pounds. –I probably would have gained more but when you are walking up and down hills and stairs all day, it's hard to keep weight on. You can do it, it's just harder.

I came back to the States weighing about 145. I was a size 10. Couldn't fit in those old high school 8s any more.

I lost weight when I was engaged. Gained weight in our first two years of marriage. Lost all my excess weight, back down to 145 and a size 8, right before I got pregnant. Gained about fifty pounds while I was pregnant. Lost almost all of it immediately. I had the baby and dropped over 25 pounds that week. By four months later I looked great in a size 12.

Then I got pregnant again. Gained another fifty pounds. Lost almost all of it. But, I'd weighed 155 to start. Now I was at 165.

My mother-in-law got adult onset diabetes and scared the daylights out of me. I'd put the kids in the double stroller and walk for miles. In the winter that was hard, because there'd be snow everywhere and we'd start out with them in snow suits, with hats and gloves, and a big blanket wrapped around them. But then after about five minutes my oldest would throw out his hat, then the blanket, then his gloves. I'd always start home when his lips were purple. I lost down to 150 and a size 12.

Then we moved again. The kids were home. I was home. I didn't know anyone. It took about three years for me to get up to 170. That startled me. Too much weight. I went on a diet by myself, not a program, and lost 20 pounds over a four month period.

Just when I had bought new size 12s, my dad had a major surgery that didn't go well. I gained 15 pounds that week. I know people say you can't do that, and I promise I didn't eat enough to gain that much. But I gained it. Not being smart enough to realize it was probably water retention from stress, I just went back to my old eating habits.

Within a year I was back to 170.

Then my husband suggested BFL. We did it. Getting up and out of the house at 6 am, for night people, was miraculous. But we kept going. I was back down to150 and size 12s again. Then we made a mistake. Both of us hurt ourselves trying to do too much weight and instead of taking a day or two off, we just kept going. Bad plan. We injured ourselves worse and gave up the whole thing. I did make one resolution, though. I was never going to wear anything bigger than a 14 again.

We moved again.

We'd been vegetarian for the last five years.

I'd been getting sicker and sicker for the last three. It was bad. I would sleep most of the day, only getting up to do the kids' schooling and one load of laundry or dishes. I couldn't stay awake any more. I'd always eat when I was awake, hoping that would give me energy.

I got up to 194. That's way too big for a size 14, but I just bought larges. I was probably really up to a size 18.

I couldn't think well. I couldn't talk well. I was being treated for sleep apnea and various and sundry other medical conditions I've had for years that no one could ever figure out. My husband and I quit being vegetarian, but I didn't cook meat in the house. We would eat vegetarian at home and have meat when we went out. So, I was probably eating meat about twice a week.

Then in March of this year my husband suggested BFL again. I knew it could make a difference and I was desperate. Plus, I like doing things with my husband, so…

I've gotten better and better since March. I've been eating meat at just about every meal since then. I think there is a relationship between the two.

I also think that it helps that I've lost 42 pounds of fat.

We did one challenge together, then he stopped.

I kept going. I didn't follow it exactly. One of the things they tell you in Muscle Media is that you need to change up your weight routines. You know, it's easier to make them easier than it is to make them harder. I lost more and more weight. I felt better and better.

I've been wearing 10s for months now. This weekend when I weighed in, I was under 30% body fat for the first time in nine months. (Probably for the first time in three years.)

I was so excited.

I still have a way to go to get to my goal of looking good naked or clothed, but I look a lot better now!